Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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