Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
