I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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