Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
