Sponge bath it is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
