Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
