i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
