turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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