Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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