Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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