you guys were way drunker than both of me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh god it's open bar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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