He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am one with the molecules
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
