I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
