Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
