My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
