Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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