im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize