All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
