It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
