Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
