oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
