Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
