thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
