took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
