i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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