I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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