Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
