She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
