Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
