I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
