using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
