i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
