hell yes lets make some ravioli
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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