there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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