i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm like, not good at living.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
