If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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