My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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