I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
