I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
