I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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