every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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