I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
