It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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