I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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