Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
