i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize