I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
