Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
