Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
