I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
