Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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