Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
