Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
