All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
