Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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