When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pray to the hookup gods
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
