I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
