babies were throwing up all over the place
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
