I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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