just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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