allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
