Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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