Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
