I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
