Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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