I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
