He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You left your phone here
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