I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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