Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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