i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
