I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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