ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize