apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
