then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we're making bets on your personal life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize