you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
