i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
