I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
