Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize