He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
