you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
