My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
