Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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