Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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