Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
