a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
