best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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