I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
