I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
