Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
