im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
