Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
