what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize