So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
