were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
