so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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