OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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