I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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