WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
