Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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