Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
