I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
