I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
