I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize