my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
