areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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