When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
