my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
