I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
